I’m sorry for the long post but two years ago today, God saved me.
For 11 years, I was lost. I first realized I was lost when I was seven years old at New Harmony. For a long time, I lived knowing that if I died, I would go to hell. It was a heavy burden to carry. Most of my church friends were already saved, and there were times I was afraid that people at church would eventually give up on me because, I had given up on myself.
If you’re lost and reading this, I want you to know that I understand.
People would tell me all the time that getting saved was easy. It wasn’t easy for me. I remember listening to preacher’s saying that salvation is easy and honestly when they said that, it made me angry. Getting saved was really hard for me. I struggled for years. I watched people I loved pass away while knowing I wasn’t saved. I listened to testimonies, went to the altar, prayed, and tried everything I knew to do. As a pastor’s daughter, I felt like I was supposed to get saved young. I felt like something was wrong with me because it seemed like everyone else had their salvation except me.
Eventually, I just gave up. I gave up on myself, and I gave up on God. I wasn’t really trying anymore.
Then two years ago today, I walked into church on what felt like a normal Sunday morning. There wasn’t any preaching that morning, it was a singing and testimony service. We stood and sang “Sheltered in the Arms of God,” and while I was singing, I felt God dealing with my heart and telling me to go to the altar. I denied him.
Standing there, I was thinking, “I’m tired. I’m tired of living like this. I’m tired of carrying everything myself. I’m exhausted.”
And for the first time, I truly let go.
I let go of my life. I let go of trying to fix everything myself. I surrendered. And God saved me.
I felt God hug me. I felt His arms around me, and I felt His love, peace, and joy from the top of my head to my toes. It’s a feeling that’s impossible to fully explain.
Of course, the devil immediately tried to fill my mind with doubt. For years, I had convinced myself that if I ever got saved, I would die right afterward. I know that sounds strange, but that’s what I believed. So after God saved me, those thoughts came rushing back. But then peace came. God reminded me, “If you die, you’ll be okay. You’ll be in Heaven.”
Today is special to me because it reminds me that God never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself. He was patient with me through every doubt, every fear, every struggle, and every year I spent lost.
So if you’re lost today, I want you to know that I see you, and I understand. Don’t give up. God hasn’t given up on you.
I’m so thankful for what God did for me two years ago today.
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